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I missed blogging about the big boat getting stuck

Published on May 11, 2021

Hi. I haven't blogged in a little bit, and truly the greatest loss there is that I missed blogging about the big boat getting stuck.

If you either missed it when it was all anyone could talk about on Twitter for weeks or are now looking back from the future going oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh, here's a quick summary:

Capitalists rely on global trade routes to make sure they're exploiting as many people in as many places on the planet as possible. They do this by taking things that people made in one place for the lowest possible labor cost and putting those things on boats in great quantities. Then they send those boats to where the people who want to buy those things on the boats for the greatest possible markup are. But Africa is too big to sail around. So at some point, we cut a big hole called the Suez Canal through it so boats could go. But it's not the biggest hole. And boats are real real big now. So one false move and, well...

So yeah, the big big boat got stuck in the big important hole. It just got wedged right in there. Just...BLOMP. Just on a big stupid diagonal. Couldn't move. Just before it got stuck, it sailed around and drew a penis in the ocean. And it ground global capitalism to a halt for a good fortnight! It was rad! It was rad and I missed it!

Except not really because it's still stuck there today, just for a different reason now.

See, Egypt - the country through which the big hole is dug - spent a lot of money trying to free the boat from the big watery hole, and now they want some reparations for that because the whole boat thing wasn't their fault in the first place.

And now they won't let the big boat leave the hole it is no longer stuck in.

Capitalism is fine, everyone! Nothing to see here! Everything working as intended. Good system.